May 4, 2020

Less points, more connections

Idle conversation can be very easy. When you start to talk about something of substance, it is great to have a goal of understanding or a conclusion in mind. Venting is not a conversation. It is letting someone know how you feel or felt. Sometimes we bottle up things and every time we talk to that person it is like lifting weight onto your chest. In fact, it is an illusion of a spiritual work out. The offense you feel may be unintended or a misunderstanding. Stay ready to speak respectfully and openly. It can be like a game, one in which you preferably play to win understanding on both sides. Unlike most sports, you should never go into a conversation to make a point. Scoring points in a game of basketball can be exhilarating for the crowd and athletes taking shots. The moment you start feeling like you are taking shots during dialog it’s a foul, out of bounds and make you feel like the other person should be disqualified. Although conversations can be exciting, I’ve found, trying to make your point while communicating leads to more defeats than victories. I recommend making connections, not points. Consider this – what if every time you spoke, you envisioned a teammate instead of the competition? You see, if you are on the same team, if they lose…so do you. So you want them to win. Now you’re probably saying, “What if they are being unreasonable or not compromising?” My answer is simple. To carry on a conversation, the weight of the topic is a perception. Sometimes you can’t see the reason someone struggles to see your perspective. But in that realization is the answer. It is your perspective. The conditions that shaped how we see things took a lot of time.  Giving patience and benefits of the doubt along the way is sometimes the only way to reach understanding. Be honest with yourself. If the subject is not worth the wait or the effort…you could end up asking yourself – “What’s the point?”

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